Hello all!
This is a topic I've been battling with for a while, or at least parts of it. You see, I have these fragments of thoughts that come to me, whether its from gaining insight after training or competing or just from talking to fellow teammates, and it takes a while to really find where they fit in or form a whole statement to get these thoughts out. Recently I had a good talk with some teammates and my coach before class that really started to bring things together, and after some contemplation I came up with this post.
During the conversation we got onto the topic of people's egos and how the ego of the average person differs from the martial arts practitioner or even the person who tries martial arts out and doesn't decide to stick with it. You see when trying out martial arts, especially something like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Judo, where full body contact is used and movements, to the inexperienced, seem so strange and make you feel powerless, where you fully -and literally- leave your body in the hands of your partner, it is quite easily a scary thing and a big ego check. A lot of people can't handle their ego being tested like that, they can't handle not always being in control. For all those out there that train, you know, you might be in control at one minute, but you can easily end up being the one controlled the next, it's part of -a very big part of- the learning process.
At this point I was reminded of the article about Ed O'Neill's start to his jiu-jitsu journey and how it helped him in his career. In the article (which is a great read! http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2015/1/15/7551375/ed-o-neill-profile-jiu-jitsu-training ) in great detail it recounts his meeting with Rorion Gracie and being suckered into a 'lesson' where he tries his hardest to buck the smaller Rorion off of mount, only to be unsuccessful, and then be swept from mount in seconds when the positions were switched. I remembered reading that back when it first came out thinking, 'the average person's ego wouldn't handle that, they would make up reasons to convince themselves of being played and be done with the whole notion of martial arts.' As we all know Ed O'Neill isn't the average person, he checked the ego and started his journey like many of us did on our first class.
Now let's break down the ego of the jiu-jitsu mind: you have a bigger, stronger opponent. Do you give up because you figure you'll lose so there's no sense in trying to fight? Do you attempt to fight and once you realise there's a lot of work to put in to win you then decide to give up? Do you attempt the challenge of out thinking your opponent, no matter the outcome? For me, and a vast majority out there training, the answer is the later. After all there's no losing, just winning and learning, right? and how do you learn if your limits aren't tested and pushed? I said vast majority and not everyone because there are those who train who, although they have accepted not being in control all the time and being beat, they haven't accepted the challenge to truly test themselves. Although they want to learn and love the art, they only want to stick to smaller, lower ranking classmates and avoid the aggressive types. It's nothing to be ashamed of, many people do it from time to time, I know I have. But really testing yourself, your skills, knowledge, and ego, is rolling with a person who you know you're outmatched by and being ok with losing. But I digress, however it is you train you made the leap, you walked through the door, on to the mats and started your journey, that in itself sets you aside from most people. Being able to accept losing, being beat up and not being the best, all while continuing to train and learn and not give up and stick to the goal of becoming the best -not of all- but the best you, that is the ego of the jiu-jitsu mind. Where others see limits you see challenges, where others see failure you see a learning lesson.
Let's back up to my last competition. I wasn't happy with my outcome and it took a bit of talking to friends and teammates, and a lot of inner contemplating, to shake it off and focus on the good points. That in itself was something I needed to search into. Why did it bug me this time more than the last times I had competed? It really wasn't until the conversation we had talking about ego and how people deal with it in martial arts that I actually cleared my head about the competition. It wasn't just that I worked harder this time around, it was about me being sure of my game this time that losing actually hurt. The game plan I was so sure of had built confidence and pride in me, it was an ego hit losing this time, not a learning experience. Which in retrospect, now that everything has become clear, has been a learning experience. Recently I was thinking about how wrong my view of the competition was. I have built a life of being perfectly ok with being beat as I learn and grow on my martial arts journey. If the competitions are meant as a higher, more intense platform to learn on, why hadn't I expected and accepted losing while competing? I surely didn't think I was the best or unbeatable, so why was that a surprise? The answer is I let my ego get out of check, lost sight of the learning experience.
Let me tell you a bit about how I started in martial arts and onto my jiu-jitsu journey. When I first started martial arts, back in high school, I was practicing a Japanese Jiu-jitsu being held on the army base. I was younger and smaller than everyone else there, and got beat all the time. It was about a year or more before I got my first real tap during a roll. It's hard to stick to something that is really you paying to get beat up night after night. I accepted that that was going to happen. I didn't say 'I'm going to lose so there's no sense trying so I give up' I didn't say 'none of this would really work on the streets so I'm not training in this' instead I said 'one day I'll be just as good' and kept with it. I'm sure there are a few people reading this that were, or are, in the same spot, always the nail, never the hammer, until that one day. It was an awesome moment, I was rolling with a big power house of person who's arms are bigger than my legs but he had very little experience doing any kind of ground fighting. I remember putting on the armbar and feeling the tap and thinking 'holy shit, it worked!' Until then I began to think that moment would never happen. I accepted losing was part of the process of learning. Remembering all of this has reminded me of that mindframe, and returned me to that point, why because of a few years later should the learning process be any different? So I challenge you, go out there and lose. Get beat up. Remember what it is to be the nail. It's good for you.
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